Dane Greenhelm awakened to pain. His body ached all over, but it was the sharp pain in his groin which caused him to exhale a gasp. He curled into a fetus position and heard the raucous cry of a seabird, protesting this act of self defense.
His eyes did not seem to open on their own, so he pawed at them with his meaty fists. He managed to scrub the crusty film off his eyelids, but also grind gritty sand into his eyes. He moaned anew, the sound grating in his raw throat. Mercifully, a strong wave washed over him, tumbling his athletic form and depositing him further up the beach. Dane coughed, sputtered and then vomited. The retching caused enough pain in his throat that the complaints from the rest of his body were forgotten for a moment.
When he was finished, he rolled over onto his elbows and took stock of his situation. The ocean waves were close and loud in their relentless battle against the land. Just beyond the waves there was a outcropping of rocks which appeared to be a rookery for seabirds. The hard stone was painted white with bird droppings. The sun was close to apex, either before or after noon.
Dane instinctively reached for his sword and only found naked thigh. His sword belt was gone, as were his pants and one boot. What remained of his shirt was in tatters and the unusually exposed flesh of his legs, stomach and member were being sunburned to a deep, ruddy shade. His member had an endured the added attention of a hungry seabird and was bleeding from small cuts.
He stared at his exposed flesh and said, "Pants would be nice."
His voice came out as a flat croaking noise and the unexpected sound caused him to smile. His cracked lips changed this smile to a grimace.
Dane stood painfully and scanned the horizon. The obvious sights were a flat expanse of ocean on one side and a mountain of rock on the other. The shoreline was slightly more interesting in that one direction had a faint, glinting, object.
He thought, "It's as good a goal as any," and began to stumble toward the glitter. His legs felt rebellious beneath his body and his one boot made a squishing noise. His reddened and bleeding cock bounced painfully between his legs, causing a bowlegged gait.
After an apparent eternity, he approached a tower with a glittering smokestack. As he drew near, Dane saw people on the far side banging on a crate.
"Oh, Gods," he thought, "I hope they have water."
The sand on his face and matted hair began to fall away as he stumped toward the people waving his arms and croaking with joy.
